Tag Archives: observations

Seven Things No One Should Buy from Sky Mall

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There are two parts of each plane trip I absolutely loathe—take-offs and landings. No, it’s not that they make me airsick, I just hate not being able to use any of my electronic devices.

The only thing left for me to do during this period of time is to browse the current issue of Sky Mall. While scanning the catalog is a guilty pleasure of mine, no one on any account should ever buy anything Sky Mall. Ever.

SkyMall Winter 2011

A few months back I remember seeing a post on Freshly Pressed highlighting some of the miscellaneous oddities to be found in the pages of Sky Mall. I’d like to contribute my own list of seven things no one should buy from Sky Mall (or from anywhere for that matter).

Below are seven items I can’t believe are for sale on SkyMall along with my snide remarks about each.

  1. What does the Camo Slanket says about its owner? I’ve given up on life and I don’t want anyone to be able to find me.Camo Slanket
  2. The Toilet Dog and Cat Water Bowl really perplexes me. I thought the idea was to train your pets NOT to drink from the loo?!?Pet Drinking Toilet
  3. No, I’m sorry. No matter how you good you are at turning on and off the TV you and your Magic Wand Remote Control will not be getting into Hogwarts this term.Remote Control Wand
  4. The Brobdingnagian Sports Chair was made for the outdoorsman who wants to feel like a kid and look like an idiot again.Obscenely Big Chair
  5. Jumpin Jammers are the perfect nighttime apparel for the young lady who really, really wants to look like one of the Bratz Babyz.Jumpin Jammerz
  6. The product description for the Golden Pierogi claims that it’s destined to be “become a family heirloom”. For what family, may I ask, the Clampetts?Golden Pierogi
  7. I’m still of the opinion that giant inflatable animals do not increase car sales, but it looks like you can buy big blue inflatable gorillas (albeit sans yellow boxer shorts) from SkyMall.

    More Big Blue Gorilla

With each release there are hundreds of ridiculous products no one needs and definitely should never buy. On the rare occasion that I find something that piques my interest the forces of reality drag me back to Earth.

What’s the looniest thing you’ve ever seen in Sky Mall? Did you buy it? Sound off in the comments below.

Seven Reasons Mark Cuban Needs to Buy the Dodgers

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Mark Cuban guest starred in the episode.

Image via Wikipedia

For the second straight year the Los Angeles Dodgers failed to make the post-season. While it may not bring immediate results, I think the best thing that could happen for the franchise of my youth would be if Mark Cuban were to buy the Blue Crew.

When Cuban burst onto the the professional sports scene I found him obnoxious and boorish. I was convinced that he’d never take his team all the way.

In the decade that’s followed Cuban won me over and his Mavericks are the defending NBA Champions. Now I’m a fan.

In this edition of Lucky Sevens I’d like to present seven reasons why the Dodgers need Mark Cuban to buy them.

Brand Name

How many NBA owners not named Mark Cuban can you name? That’s what I thought. Cuban as a brand is just as well known as his team.

Star Power

There’s no denying Cuban’s in love with the limelight. Truth is, he handles it pretty well. Stints on Dancing with the Stars and Shark Tank have solidified Cuban as not only a sports figure, but as an entertainer as well.

Showtown will embrace Cuban as one of their own.

Free Chalupas at Dodger Stadium

Early in his tenure as Mav’s owner, Cuban routinely gave out Taco Bell chalupas to all ticket-holders who attended a game where they scored 100 or more.

Forget Dodger Dogs, LA’s Angelino community will go crazy over free non-authentic Mexican cuisine.

Deal Maker

Mark Cuban understands the business of professional sports. He’s proven that he can land key talent including future Hall-of-Famer Jason Kidd.

Just think of what he could do for LA in a year when both Albert Pujols and Prince Fielder are free agents!

Can Keep Talent

In order to build championship calibre teams, the Dodgers need to keep existing Dodgers’ stars Andre Ethier, Matt Kemp, and Clayton Kershaw.

After his 2006 NBA Finals collapse, many sports pundits thought Dirk Nowitzki needed to leave Dallas in order to have success again. Cuban managed to keep Nowitzki and both have been vindicated during the most recent NBA Finals.

Can Work with a Difficult Commissioner

After dealing with the Angel of Stern for the last eleven years working with Bud Selig should be like a walk in the park.

Can Win

It’s been over 20 years since LA last won the World Series. I’m not saying it’ll happen overnight, but Mark Cuban can make it happen for the Dodgers.

You can’t argue with hardware. He got close in 2006, but in 2011 Cuban and his Dallas Mavericks won the NBA Finals.

Los Angeles Dodgers Logo

The Dodgers are arguably the most important professional sports team in America. This is the team of Jackie Robinson and Fernandomania. With Mark Cuban as owner, they can be great again.

Do you think Mark Cuban would be a good ball club owner? Who would do better? Sound off in the comments below.

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Singapore’s Can Can Attitude

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Merlion (My Memories)
Image via my flickr.

I love Singapore! I was privileged to call the Lion City home for about 18 months and my youngest daughter was even born there.

Just about everything you’ve probably heard about Singapore is true. It is clean. It is modern. It is amazing.

How did this tiny, crowded island with extremely limited resources manage to make itself a relevant commercial and cultural hub? I’m convinced that it’s because of their Can Can attitude.

Can

Can, simply means “Yes, I can.” If you ask a Singaporean to do something quick and easy they will likely respond with a quick can.

No Can

Initially, you would think that No Can just means “No, I cannot.” But, you’d be wrong. It actually means something more along the lines of “I’m terribly sorry, but I am unable to comply with your wishes.”

Can Can

My favorite version of all, Can Can, signifies “Yes, of course I will do the thing which you have asked me to do as it would give me great honor and satisfaction.”

Singapore Chinatown (Pop Punch)
Image via my flickr.

Although discouraged by the government’s Speak Good English campaign, Singlish is a hybrid of the four official languages spoken in Singapore.

So, although the words spoken are often English in origin, the meaning behind is uniquely Singaporean.

Regrettably, I only know a little Singlish, but I do, however, speak fluent Texican.

Do you speak or know of any hybrid languages? Which one(s)? What words or concepts stand out to you? Sound off in the comments below.

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Spoken Like a True Texican

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Flag of Texas

Image via Wikipedia

As a native Angelino and hispanohablante I die inside a little whenever I hear one of my Texan family members, friends, or co-workers mangle the Spanish language I love.

Really, given Texas’ proximity to Mexico and the large number of people of Mexican descent living there you’d think they’d be a little better at pronouncing things. If you thought that, however, you’d be disappointed.

I won’t beleaguer the point further, but living in Houston there are three names in particular that make me cringe whenever I hear them.

San Antonio

Spurs fans are the worst. I don’t know how supportive they are of their team, but they can’t even pronounce the name of the city they live in correctly.  You don’t say San Antone, it’s San An-tone-ee-oh.

San Jacinto

I usually hear this one in conjunction with the College of the same name. It’s a shame that an institute of higher learning can’t even be bothered to teach their students how to say their name correctly. It’s not  San Jasinna and especially not San Jack. If you must say it, it’s San Ha-seen-toe.

San Felipe

Some of the best and biggest companies in the world have their offices on San Felipe Street in Houston. Apparently, you don’t need to be able to say the name in order to work there. The proceeding examples are bad, but neither drives me up the wall quite like San Phillippy. Please, say it with me—San Fay-lee-pay.

What words or names drive you crazy when you hear them butchered verbally? Sound off in the comments below.

The Good Word: Mahalo

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Plumeria Waimea
Plumeria Waimea via Tropic-7‘s flickr.

We just returned from a week in paradise on beautiful Waikiki Beach. In what will surely go down in history as one of our all-time favorite vacations we swam with fish and sea turtles, visited the Polynesian Cultural Center, and lounged around some of the most gorgeous beaches I’ve ever seen.

Before I’d ever been to Hawaii I always thought that their word was Aloha. And it is. But, now I know that they have another word (they have an entire language, I know), Mahalo, which I like even more.

Mahalo means “thank you” in Hawaiian, but it has much more feeling than that. I don’t know what it is, but to me it always sounds like a more sincere, but cheerful thank you.

mahalo-logo2
Logo for Mahalo, courtesy of Business Insider.

And so, Mahalo joins a growing list of non-English words that I use in everyday conversation. I love the way it sounds and feels.

So, to my family I say Mahalo for joining me on this adventure.

Mahalo, to my grandparents for lending us their fantastic condo.

Mahalo, to the fine folks at ABC Stores for selling me milk at $10 a gallon and bananas for a buck each.

Mahalo, to anyone who has read this far into this post.

Mahalo, to those of you who will leave a comment.

Swimming with the Sea Turtles
Image via my flickr.

If you’re one of the over 300 million Americans who have never been to Hawaii, there’s time to change that—make plans to go! You’ll give me a big Mahalo when you get back for sure!

Are there any non-English words you use? If so, which ones? What do they mean? Sound off in the comments below.

T-Shirt at the Pool

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I’ve got a secret for you. No one cares what you look like in a swimsuit more than you do.

And that wet T-shirt clinging to your gut like a second layer of skin only serves to accentuate (i.e.: totally draws attention to) that gut you’re so desperate to hide.

Take a page from the book of Mister Morbidly Obese and Still Wearing a Speedo (that’s a Roger Hargreaves story that should have been written)—be confident in your own skin—it’s summer, just have fun.

No one at the pool (or beach, or anywhere else for that matter) is checking you out. We’re all too busy sucking in our own guts to notice.

Have you ever worn a T-shirt at the pool (if so, please stop)? Why? Why not? Sound off in the comments below.